Plain Rotten

What do you do when you get into a funk?  Not a quick passing funk, one that seems to be never ending and you would rather have bamboo shoots shoved in your nail beds than be around yourself.

I have been in one for a solid two weeks and there are just not words for how bad I feel or for how bad I feel for those who have to be around me.  (Hi kids if you or your therapist are years in the future and reading this.  Sorry.  I got through this though and did minimal damage to you at best, right?)  I am exhausted, but I cannot sleep.  Once I do sleep, I have exhausting dreams and wake up even more exhausted, plus then I can't go back to sleep.  The word cranky doesn't even begin to describe my mood; though I am trying to keep it to myself, I know that I am failing at keeping it all to myself.  I'm more anxious than usual.  I am more and more easily frustrated.  In short, I am a complete and utter joy to be around.

I thought at first it had to do with almost family drama.  (The almost part being on the family part, the drama was definitely there.)  But I feel fine about any part I might have had in it and think I am right and doing what is best for my family.  That doesn't make me enjoy the thought of the upcoming holidays though.

The more thought I put into it (which I am sure isn't helping me), the more I have started to wonder if it isn't very directly related to the time change and fewer hours of sunlight.  The timing fits.  My sleep pattern change fits.  This time of year is notoriously bad for me, so it seems to be a pattern.

Whatever the cause, be it drama, seasonal affective disorders, holiday stress, regular every day stress, I have got to fix it.  I have been making mindful efforts to breath and remind myself that it may not be the kids or husband being particularly annoying and maybe it is my mood.  I have been paying attention to what I eat and opening the curtains as soon as I get up and trying to get out of the house, even if it is to wander aimlessly around Target.  Still though, I want to be done with this funk.